I really hope I am right and you have never experienced a toxic relationship and that you, your partner, and your children continue to live with this blessing….because it is truly a blessing to be spared the pain. When a child is sick or otherwise unable to make a visit, the parent with present custody of the child must notify the other parent as soon as possible and work out a make-up visit. It’s so horrible that children are MADE to visit people they don’t want to just because they are related! For example: “My child doesn’t have a very good relationship with her father, and she doesn’t want to … The father should be making plans with the children often asking how they are every few days or every day if they are older with cell phones or asking the mother how the younger children are. Should be easy, right? this took a good year before he would even stay one night …. It has gotten progressively worse but I have ALWAYS made them go. My younger child (now 14) HATEs seeing his father but isn’t willing to put up the fight. My son is refusing to go with his Mother because of her anger management issues, emotional abuse, and toxic environment at her house. There were so many things I couldn’t add in a short article. Another thing you could do is approach his Mom about changing the visitation schedule. This will make it easier for you to focus on those feelings and your children’s needs. Their mother has primary custody – yet I have had our daughters 95% of the time since March 2020. He is extremely controlling and mentally abusive (more towards my daughter 14). 'After a few hours of staying at mine, my son says he wants to go home and doesn’t want to stay overnight.' They had a six month cooling off period with no contact at all and are slowly working out their relationship. At first the children coped well, but now that Sarah is eight it’s becoming more and more difficult to encourage her to go to her dad's at weekends. We have Relates across England and Wales, offering different services and workshops to help you improve your relationships. Sometimes they need a cooling off period and some times they just need to sever ties. He does treat our oldest worse than the younger one – he tells her constantly “you look just like your ___ mother” or “you’re just like your ___ mother” and then will turn around and tell the youngest “i’m glad you look more like me”. What makes me ill is that I continually tell my children that this is their father, they will regret not having a relationship with him. It can help to think through carefully how best you approach the subject, and when. I live in Missouri and her father lives in Georgia so the agreement we have worked out right now is that he takes her for one week every month. For those of us that have we can relate all to well to this story. Because your daughter is now 14 years old, she may be able to explain to the court what she wants, and why she doesn't want to go to her father's house. Manipulation by the Child– Some children don’t want to visit the other parent because the child has other things they’d rather do (such as go visit a friend in the neighborhood) or things they wish to avoid (chores at the other parent’s home). These children have never behaved like this. The kids are also pretty upset with the idea of me going back to court. It is heart wrenching to go through this. If they have visited before ask your child to describe: If they have never visited before ask your child: Your child's suggestions may not be realistic, but they may help you to consider a new solution that you can discuss with them and their other parent. my 14 year old daughter doesnt want to see her father, he… my 14 year old daughter... my 14 year old daughter doesn't want to see her father, he is now sending me abusive texts and threatening court..I have not stopped her seeing him, however she has deided she doesn' want to see him. I have 3 daughters (11 – 13 – 15). If you really read what was written, or could truly take it in, you would not have seen fathers being attacked, but instead what was the cry’s from children who are suffering and a loving parent (which yes was a mother this time) who was doing her best to try and find a middle ground that did not isolate the kids from their father despite the fact that he sounds like a narcissist who loves to gas light anyone who shines light on his flaws, including his own children. A casual conversation is often best. If your child’s resistance to going to their other parent's home is a one-off, it probably isn’t that important. My 9yo often doesn’t want to visit her dad. But if they now say they don’t want to visit we meet for the exchange, and he is informed at that point that they don’t want to visit that day. Whatever lies behind your child’s resistance – and the possible reasons are numerous – it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to make changes to your established routine. We don't go through the courts, he wants to avoid that. We are located in Pennsylvania. My 14 year old has seen his dad refuse to take the toddler to hospital when she was ill, ignore him when he had minor surgery despite his dad being the one who booked it. NO CHILD!! Young children in particular tend to see their parents as idols and to lose contact suddenly with one can make them feel they’ve done something wrong. Court order in place. They are both 6. Custody orders have the force of law, and they are binding on the PARENTS; if the court’s orders are not followed as written, it is the PARENTS who are in contempt. What do you think is behind their reluctance to visit? What To Do When Your Kid Doesn’t Want To Go To Dad’s House, How To Deal With Handover After Weekend Visitation. Mine for example told me to quit apologizing for him when he would say hateful, mean things to them….because it was not my fault. I worked as a guardian ad litem for 5 years. At every family meal, he called her a pig, admonished her and her siblings then moved on to whatever topic disgusted him the most at the moment. Recently my ex told me that until the kids are 16, they have no say in whether they visit him or not. My 14 year old daughter does not want to visit her father anymore and has told him so. I suggest this because the other solution all cost a fair amount of money. He did a lot of things to me and her both. Our 18-year-old has no memory of any positive interactions with him. I am glad I came across this site and read so many other parents facing the same exact situation I am going through with my two kids. Talk to your child and encourage your ex to do this exercise with your child too, Talk to your partner about what you both think are the blocks to your child wanting to visit them, Identify one thing that you can each do to help minimise these blocks. 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